Yesterday, I fell back into the “shock” stage. What really hit me was the reality of all the things which are not going to happen. We will be dancing at his Aunt’s birthday party later this month. I will not be wearing the blue velvet dress to match the blue shirt he was going to buy. I will not see him on Thanksgiving. There will be no exchange of Christmas presents. There will be no more morning phone calls. Never again will we walk hand in hand through R. Wood, S.F. Park, or GHB. Never again will we stroll down the walk way at L. Beach. No more walks around G.C. No more window shopping in R. Never again will we watch the schooner festival, spend Memorial Day at his Mother’s house. Maybe this is not shock, but grieving. I am mourning. It is as if he has died.