A friend sent me some information last night which was painful to hear and yet helpful for closure.
If there’s one thing I have learned about healing from betrayal while writing this blog, it is that the healing process is incredibly painful. Have you ever heard about burn victims? They claim that right after being burned is not so painful because of the shock, but that the most painful part is the healing, while their skin is recreating itself? All the skin cells scream with pain, and this long lasting pain is endurable only through strong medication which the victim must be slowly weaned from.
The nature of the information my friend sent me last night helped me to reach an intellectual understanding of the situation which has previously eluded me. The reason why he betrayed me is simple. He was able to betray me because his feelings for me were shallow. If he had cared for me as deeply as I cared for him, then he never would have been able to betray me. He never would have gone near another woman and began developing an intimacy with her through conversations, spending time together, which eventually led to sex.
His decision to get involved with her sexually while still dating me marks his immaturity and his lack of responsibility as well as his lack of moral development. He wrote me a letter during our ‘fight’ in May, 2009, during which time he refused to speak to me, because I had, in not a very graceful way, confronted him via email about my realizations of his actual drug & alcohol consumption, as opposed to what he’d told me a year earlier at the start of our relationship. In this letter, he berates me for, essentially being a bitch and being hysterical, and ends the relationship. What he fails to mention in this letter is that the true reason he’s ending the relationship at that point and not speaking to me is because he’d started sleeping with another woman with whom he’d been flirting for months.
In the middle of June, he approached me and we ‘made up.’ He claimed later that at this point that he’d broken things off with her because he missed me. However, he has lied to me so many times in my life, that I have no idea what percentage of anything he’s ever told me is the truth. I imagine, in relation to him and this other woman, what he’s told me, what he hasn’t told me, his excuses that he was going to a friends’ house when he was actually going to see her, his continued alleged devotion to me, etc, is heavily laden with lies.
In closure, I am moving towards acceptance of what has happened to me. I don’t have to worry about what will become of him, because karma will take care of that. You can’t mistreat someone as badly as he has mistreated me in this life, not to mention our daughter, because of the choices he has made and the priorities he has chosen, without some really bad karma catching up to you. Whether or not he’s been conscious of his decisions, regardless of his cognitive ability to form judgements and make decisions, karma is a real force and he will not escape the karma he has created in this life.
- Karma (thesevenblog.com)
- crime, karma, lack of absolution (audaciousfox.wordpress.com)
- How To Make Adaptation Work For You: Royal Wedding Series (runesoup.com)
- The Karma Experiment by Psychic Serenity (psychicsource.com)
- Dilemma and Karma (2) (socyberty.com)
- Spring Clean Your Past (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Closure conversion: How to compile lambda (matt.might.net)
- Done with that (delightfuleccentric.wordpress.com)