What Lightness and joy did not anticipate- 2


Beethovenfries - Longing for happiness

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I wrote in my previous post, ‘What Lightness and joy did not anticipate” about my feelings of meeting my former husband for the first time in eighteen years.

In this post, I write about his lies and deceptions.

My feelings about this has changed and I don’t know if this is because I have been trying hard to practice compassion in every aspect of how I view others.

Yes, he did lie and deceive, but I do not think he meant to harm me. I think he meant to bring only good into my life. He must have been aware that he was lying to me when I asked him certain specific questions, but I do believe that he meant to change. I believe that he brought his best self forward to me on that weekend, and at that time, and that in his heart he had only good and the hope of becoming a better person and out of the goodness of our love for each other, that he believed that he could change some of his negative habits.

I do believe this, although it may not be true, because I cannot spend the rest of my life thinking that he consciously set out to deceive me on what was one of the most beautiful times in my life. Perhaps I am yet again hopelessly naive, or even worse, perpetually in denial. Or perhaps he had good intentions which he was incapable of carrying through. Yes, there were times later on that he was purposely being deceitful, without good intentions, but on this first weekend, I give him the benefit of my doubt. I do believe that he meant well.

Namaste,

Emmeline

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