Grieving the Person You Thought You Loved

Love ? I love love love you.

Love ? I love love love you. (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

If you are visiting this blog, then you are probably coming to terms with the fact that the person whom you thought you loved did not, in fact, exist.

If you loved a psychopath, or a narcissist, then he or she displayed him or herself to you in a way that was false in the beginning of the relationship in order to ‘catch’ your love.

The person did this to you because they really wanted you. In their own way, perhaps they ‘loved’ you for awhile. For psychopaths and narcissists, and others who fall under what we call the Cluster B personality disorders, are incapable of true love. They desire, they obsess, they want you, but only to satiate their intense need for constant stimulation and gratification. You were a commodity to them. You were a toy.

These types of people are incapable of the caring and commitment involved in true love.

So when you grieve for the person whom you thought you knew and loved, it is very hard. It  might be the hardest thing you ever do in your life.

For me, this person whom I thought I loved was the love of my life, and he had been for over twenty years

. In order to accept that his love was never real, I had to accept that the love of my life was a lie. The reality is that I have no ‘love of my life.’ I went from feeling that my life was complete and full and blessed, to feeling empty and meaningless without him, in the course of one moment, when I discovered who he truly is.

Who he truly is: He is a liar and a deceiver and a manipulator and a cheater. He is a user and a loser and a man who hurt me very badly so that he could ‘have’ me for as much time as he wanted me, and then discard me when he was through.

The man whom I thought I loved was only a dream, but I grieved for him for a very long time.



4 thoughts on “Grieving the Person You Thought You Loved

  1. Pingback: How Could He Do That To Me? Shock and Disbelief After Discovering Your Lover is a Psychopath, Narcissist, etc… « Phoenix Rising

    • Yes, isn’t it strange how it’s the same story? So many of us have suffered and we think our suffering is so unique and yet all the themes are the same.

  2. Thank you for this. It’s exactly what I’m going through at the moment after being targetted by a psychopath. Not knowing about them, I thought I’d fallen in love with him. It’s such a shock when the mask comes off (quite suddenly) and after a lot of initial confusion, you eventually realise the relationship was nothing but an empty illusion right from the start.

    I was very struck by the way he looked at me, mistaking it for love. I’ve since informed myself about the typical psychopathic gaze. It’s easy to be confused as to the significance of this gaze when one is feeling strongly attracted to one of these ‘beings’. Thank goodness for the internet and the wealth of information available on this subject, without which I’d still be stuck in despair and ignorance. Knowledge is power.

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