Healing From a Pathological Relationship: Putting the Pieces Back Together

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It’s been over a year since I had the biggest shock of my life and realized that the ‘love of my life’ was actually the ‘liar of my life.’

Through reading the blogs of others who have survived the aftermath of a relationship with a pathological person, I understand that finding oneself again is neither a simple nor an easy process.

I wonder who I am after this experience. My self perception has changed. I feel guilty for letting this person weasel his way back into my life with his lies and deceptions.  All my adult years, I had carefully arranged my life to make it wholesome and to keep bad influences out. How could I have fallen for this man’s lies?

Worse yet, how could I have loved him the way I did? So completely, so passionately? How could I have been in love with a man who was in reality, a shadow, a mask? Who was reflecting myself back at me as he lacked any inner substance or integrity?

Today, I am no longer a naive person. I will never let anyone trick me again with false superficial charm. Today, I mistrust charming people. I red flag them immediately as possible liars, narcissists, or sociopaths.

But who am I, besides being wary and suspicious? I feel wiser. My eyes are wide open to the flaws of the world. I see that many of the devastating situations in the world are caused by sociopathic tyrants who will order the slaughter of innocents rather than admit fault or step down from their power.

We read about horrific crimes such as Philip and Nancy Garrido kidnapping eleven year old Jaycee Dugard and holding her hostage, raping her and abusing her for eighteen years. I view this story now not as an isolated traumatic crime, but as evidence of soci0paths and psychopaths among us.

Egregious crimes and assaults do occur on this beautiful planet. We, the empaths, are not here alone. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were, if the world was full of honest, caring humans?

So, my world view and my view of self have changed.  In addition, my physical self has changed.  Shocked from the discovery of my lover’s betrayal, my immune system took a direct hit. The past two winters have not been kind. I have been sick with upper respiratory infections close to ten times.

As a result, I am out of shape and struggling to regain my former regimen of daily walks. I find it difficult, if not impossible, to complete the same amount of daily tasks which I was able to complete just two years before.

Sorry to say, I don’t have any ‘what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’ platitudes to slap onto the end of this post to reassure readers who may be struggling through the aftermath of a relationship with a Cluster B type personality.

Perhaps the greatest positive change in myself I can report is my determination to be a more honest person. I can commit to being honest with myself about what I am feeling, to not ignore red flagsin my interactions with others and to hold myself to a higher level of accountability then I did before. My disgust at this person’s treatment of me has instigated this move towards self-examination. His treatment of me during the past

twenty-five years is a clear example of unkindness and irresponsibility. In response, I can steel myself towards always doing what is right.




4 thoughts on “Healing From a Pathological Relationship: Putting the Pieces Back Together

  1. You are on the right road, just try to be patient. Three years after my divorce from a narcissist, I am only now in a really good place. I also gained 40 lbs, my health has been crap, I recovered from a depression (which I started when we were still together – the narcissist left me when I was at my worst and brought his new ‘love’ into my home forcing me to live at a friend’s for 2 months). Over the last year I have felt ‘normal’. I’ve been in therapy since the outset, and still see my therapist even though I’m well…I’ve started walking(see my blog posts for updates) and am on my way to ‘healthy’ living, which is without any narcissist in my life. I also managed to overcome my mother’s narcissism (when raised by one we are more inclined to marry one) which has really been key to my recovery. Know you are not alone and just take one day at a time. Better times are ahead and you are already on the road to happiness and peace of mind.

    • Thanks Paulette.

      It’s good to know that you are further out than I am and have experienced similar feelings. I’ve been exercising as much as I can during this past month as the weather has been nice. I do know that whatever happens from here on, I have my own back and will keep myself safe from pathological persons.


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