The Void Behind the Narcissist’s Mask

Leather mask created by J.C. Velasquez

Leather mask created by J.C. Velasquez (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You may have read that every narcissist, psychopath and other Cluster B type individuals wear a mask to hide the emptiness of his or her true self.

Speaking from my own experience, I believe this to be true.

One of the hardest parts about separating yourself emotionally from the narcissist, sociopath or psychopath in your life is comprehending, on a deep or soul level, that he  is not the person with whom you fell in love. That persona is a fantasy mask created by the Cluster B-type individual in order to ‘catch’ you.

The next step is to understand that your lover, or former lover, purposefully played the part of the mask by supplying you with an intricate web of lies which may span years of your life. It turned out that my ex had two secret lives he was keeping from me; he had another girlfriend as well as a host of illegal activities.

Finally, and it may take months or even a year or two, you will come to realize that there is nothing to miss about the person behind the mask because everything that he is beneath his layer of lies is either devoid of any meaning, foul, disreputable, or all of the above.

Today, I celebrate reaching the end of any semblance of ‘missing’ him. When I think of him now, all I can remember are the bad parts, which were the last couple times we saw each other. He was rude to me, rude to my friends, and an overall jerk.

Instead of missing what I falsely perceived to be his good side, I am glad to be rid of him and his negative characteristic.

I can now describe him in the following terms:

Selfish, irresponsible, thoughtless, disrespectful, sexually exploitative, immature, a toady, a pathological liar, cruel, manipulative, deceitful, self-serving, shallow, cowardly, perverted, alcoholic, druggie, criminal, degenerate, unkind, loathsome, irreverent, despicable.

May you all journey closer to the point where you can see clearly into the void behind your deceiver’s mask.



5 thoughts on “The Void Behind the Narcissist’s Mask

  1. As individuals, I can only say, “I have an idea what you are feeling right now”…but, though I’m not you, have not lived in your shoes, or experienced what you have, per-say…but in all actuality, I DO understand! I realized the other day that i can walk outside of my home, with more peace than ever, in spite of the fact that I can still see him, just a few hundred yards away…see his car, etc. There are still areas that I hope to see healed, but still…

    Congratulations on your realization! Brought tears to my eyes 😀

    May you only have peace from here

    • I am sorry to hear that you have to see your ex every day. The most fortunate aspect of what I went through is that he lives one hundred miles away. As all other choices had been taken away from me by his lies and deception, I was grateful to be empowered to make the only two decisions that I could. I chose to end it completely, and then I chose to break off all contact with him, and to promise myself that I never had to see him or speak to him again.

      I can’t imagine what it must be like to be going through this and have to see your ex every day. It must bring up countless triggers.

      Best Regards,

  2. Pingback: My Mother Was Right « Phoenix Rising

  3. Thank you for reminding me that it does take a long time to get over this sort of a “relationship” that was not really a real relationship between equals at all. I am over a year out and it did affect my health to a great degree. I think this is why the anger still lingers. I am not the same and he took the years of my early 40’s from me (from 41-45, and longer if we count the years I am still now getting over it) and I now spend 70-80% of my time alone due to worsening chronic fatigue and depression. As you mentioned in another post, you just fell and fell and fell. This is what happened to me. I am enjoying all your posts greatly as I make my way through them. I loved the one about you can still love them and have feelings for them but just not act on them. I often wonder if it was a mistake of mine not to remain friends, though my dignity was what saved me in the end. And when I think of having him back in my life or telling him I still love him, my gut intervenes and tells me he would only give me a cold reply as a matter of course for his ego needs… I don’t. I keep it to myself. Some days are better than others.

    • Hi Cat,

      Isn’t it amazing how long it takes to heal from this type of emotional abuse? It sounds like you have been on the road longer than I. My healing journey began two and a half years ago when I discovered his mountain of deceit and ended the relationship. I also have lost the years of my early forties due to this. He came back into my life after a twenty year absence when I was 40. We dated again until I was 43. The last eighteen months of the relationship was very draining as I was trying to sort through what was really going on. I am nearly 46 now and deeply regret the time I have had to commit to processing all of the emotional upheaval caused by the relationship. I resent the time. I had envisioned my forties as being a time of wellness, a time for myself, a time of contentment. As with you, it was my dignity which saved me in the end. Your gut is right to keep you safe. Let it be over.


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