I haven’t written anything here for a while.
I seem to have completely ended my emotional attachment to this individual, who held my heart for twenty-five years.
I can clearly see exactly where the devaluing and discarding phases began in both phases of our relationships.
I understand that there was never anything good in him but youth, and my memories of him when he was young.
The freshness of his youth posed as purity; he has always been a pathological liar posing as a nice guy.
In short, my Mother (rest her soul) was right when she declared to me (when I was 18) in 1986: “What can you possibly see in him? He’ll never be anything but a small town druggie.”
She was right.
Anything else I ever believed that he was- was merely a delusional combination of his acting along with my imagination.