Regaining Lost Ground

Phoenix 2.0

Phoenix 2.0 (Photo credit: Jon_Tucker)

It has been a long time since I have written about my experience of recovery after a relationship with a narcissist.

My last entry of May 19, 2013 is, ‘What I Lost‘. After I wrote this post, which details hitting the bottom of my loss, something interesting began to happen to me. I transcended the experience and all the chaff fell away from me. In retrospect, it felt as if the proverbial scales fell from my eyes. Once reaching the bottom, and taking inventory of the emotional toll, I was able to rebuild.

This man, who had dominated many years of my adult life, has ceased to matter. I saw that his love for me had been a fraud from the beginning, and so the loss of it no longer mattered.

Instead of feeling that I’d lost my true love, I recognize that I lost precious time and energy. The relationship also cost me a great deal of money.

The silver lining in the ending of this relationship was that I live one hundred miles away from this man. I have been able to keep my promise to myself in this regard. I urge all my readers struggling after the breakup of a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, etc., to practice the fine art of “No-Contact”.  It is the best and fastest way to heal from a relationship a person who lacks empathy.



6 thoughts on “Regaining Lost Ground

  1. You are absolutely correct. The two main things things that you need are firstly to remove yourself as much as possible. If there are kids involved then keep it as vanilla as possible. Get it all in writing or go through an intermediary. The main aim is to make the person irrelevant. I am a guy and one person who impresses me so much is Tina Turner. With the death of Ike she said that she had not spoken to him in 30 years so why would she go to the funeral. Irrelevance, irrelevance, irrelevance. Fantastic mantra to use. The second thing you need to do is to be conscious of every little part of your life you are regaining, whether it be to reconnect with friends and family, progress with your career, study, hobbies, sport, etc. Whenever you do one of these recognise it and give yourself a pat on the back. Don’t go overboard but just a little internal yippee.

    • Michael,

      Thanks for your comment. I love your idea of irrelevance as a mantra. I may borrow it for a future post but will give you credit for the idea.



  2. Thank you once again for the “Slayer” award. It’s been so rewarding nominating my peers for the hard work they do. They’ve been tickled pink and honored, so to whoever started this blogging award, another special thanks from me!!

    To your current topic, Ixchel: I loved reading about your life. At the time when you’re going through this horrible experience, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever be happy again. That you’ll stop yearning for lost love. But you will and you do even though each person has their own timetable.

    Most of the time, people are in a rush and worry that it’s taking them too long to get over the misery. It took me ten solid years to feel like myself again so that should cheer people up. At least you know you’re moving faster than me!! ha!!

    Just one more comment about Tina Turner. Recently, I realized that should my X die, I wouldn’t attend the funeral either. It made me feel guilty and then a little nervous that perhaps my heart had turned to stone. But no. My heart had simply turned to me.


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