About Phoenix Rising

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I began writing this blog while on a healing journey of recovering from a relationship with a man who has both Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Anti Social Personality Disorder (ASPD). In this blog, I discuss healing, recovery from pathological relationships, and contemporary online supports for these topics. I try to post once every day.

I am a mother of three grown children and enjoy oil painting and gardening.

Namaste,

Ixchel

14 thoughts on “About Phoenix Rising

  1. Thank-you. I didn’t understand what has happened to me, to my relationship with the person I thought was my life partner, until I found sites like yours on malignant narcissism. There was “my story” in haunting detail and accuracy.
    Thank you for helping those of us reeling from the shock of betrayal -and from the discovery that the person we loved was not even capable of real love- to make sense of what has happened to us.

    • Isn’t it amazing how all of the stories turn out to be so alike? And our journeys to try and make sense of what has happened follow a similar road. I knew nothing about this topic before it happened to me about eighteen months ago. It does get better with time.

      Stay well,
      Ixchel

    • KellyG & Phoenix Raising,
      I share your same stories! What a blessing to read that I’m not the only one. Got reconnected with an old friend from over 20 years ago. I thought he was safe, since we’d had a friendship. What I found when we took it beyond that was an utter shock. The only way to word it is SHOCK. I caught him with his co-worker at a 5 star hotel. He said the word sorry, but the emotions are empty. He never tried to beg for foregivness or anything. He did the deed just minuts before texting me XOXO messages. The leading up to this romance was a whirlwind. It was like no other. His love letters, emails, and texts were mind blowing. I had an gut feeling he had NPD, and joked with him about it because I was hurt that he never gave me suitable gifts. I’m not a materialistic gal by a long shot, but forgetting Valentines, and Easter was not good. Then on my birthday, he got in a car accident that wasnt even that bad, but blew off the entire weekend. When he finally saw me, he handed me a stuffed toy you would give a 4 year old, and a subscription to ecards. I read poor gift giving is a trait that is common for a NPD. He said, yes, I think I am. In addition to this, he is antisocial. He is also an addict, and a liar. He told me he has been cleam for 5 years. I found out through good resources (thank god), that its only been about 2. His coworker was quite surprised that a woman called the hotel room, so he said that I ruined it! He now (according to him) has problems at work because of this. This entire ordeal has not only broken my heart, but has been one of the worst living nightmares. I actually think he enjoys it. The minute I caught him I asked if I need to worry about my health, and he said no. I got am STD test anyway. He said he would provide me with one as well, and thus far has only sent me piece by piece. He said he would pay for my STD test since my insurance won’t pay for it all. Then when I got my blood draw, somethig happened, and I ended up with one of the worst hemotobas that several nurses said they’d ever seen. I had to go on more meds because of it. Since then, my health has tanked. We have had many arguments, but it was mostly me trying to process WTF happened! I realize over the last 4 weeks that he’s enjoying seeing the pain. I suspected child abuse, but he tells me how wonderful his parents were. I had met the father over 20yrs ago – both parents now dead. He said he took care of them both. He still visits their gravesite quite often than anyone I know would. His siblings are also effed-up as well. I have to keep realizing that the person I knew, the friend from long ago, and the whirlwind lover who said “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you” was all a scam. I live honestly, and I guess I’m dumb for thinking others felt the same. Since the 2 months have passed since he cheated, it put my elderly mom into such worry. Then 10 days ago, she had a stroke! I’m now dealing with a new stress on top of the pain and heartache I was just starting to come out of. I wonder if I will ever trust again. I want to, but now I am just as homebound as my mom. I hope I can spot Mr. Psyco again. This guy deserves an Academy Award. Someone also mentioned he might be a sex addict – switched addictions. Some say he’s borderline personality, and some say he’s using drugs again. What we can all agree on, is that he’s damaged goods. Fifty-one and neber married. Fathered 2 kids, and was pretty much an absent dad. So many things I found out about him aftrerward was mind blowing. Financial bankrupt in 2004, and almost 80% of what he’s told me were lies. Just glad it’s not my karma.

  2. Hey there. I came across your site while seeing what was out on the web about psychopathy. I recently finished a huge series of writings about these topics and how they influence not only personal relationships, but societies as a whole, as well. You might find it interesting. Thanks for spreading education on these very important issues.

  3. I recently left my abuser and have found the lonliness is the only thing I struggle with. He was very good at isolating me, so he was all I knew for almost 6 years.

  4. Hmmm. The experience with someone wooing one with strong proclomations of feeling soulmates, so perfect together, so devoted and wholly here for each other and the relationship together, while they simultaneously do things which prevent really being fully present, not prioritizing the shared intimate relationship bond by “allowing” ( in other words colluding with ) a supposedly former partner who lives on same property still and father of her child to dictate when and how we relate based on his admitted jealousy, personal comfort and desires, exposing herself sexually to him in front of me then denying it then being defensive about it…, often pulling back emotionally when things are going very well even according to them then later trying to say my not trusting their wholehearted devotion and trustworthiness to me and our relationship was my fault because I never would have trusted her, etc seems familiar in ways to a woman I am no longer involved with. An intense, heart and mind mess. Realizing some people are indeed really messed up as she once admitted to being then later tried to deny the damaging effects of her choices in cocreating a truly healthy, safe, fully available life together.

    So I too just started a blog to help myself process the experiences, which will hopefully provide some helpful, healthy empathic support, insight and community for others who have had similar experiences.

    http://transformativeintimacy.weebly.com/

    It is just starting, so a work in progress.

    Aaron

  5. i was married to one too.. but then again… i am soo grateful for the entire experience because it made me truly see that we (to quote them) the crazy ones… have a good and pure and kind heart.. 🙂

    and thanks tk them… i found depth, my core, and the zest dor life! 🙂

    the loneliness is just because of a change in routine.. 🙂 after a while, you lose the routine and live spontaneously.. 🙂

    i never would again go back to that old life. even if he paid me a gazillion bucks!!! lol..

    • YJ, I’m sorry you feel that way. Life can be hard. Don’t give up. have you ever texted the Crisis Hotline? TEXT “GO” TO 741741 Best of Luck, Ixchel

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